Once again Poppy delivers her Doodle magic!

General discussion on all labradoodle-related matters - anything not otherwise covered by specific forums on the site.
Helen & Rigby
Posts: 882
Joined: 20 Sep 2013, 11:06

Re: Once again Poppy delivers her Doodle magic!

Post by Helen & Rigby » 28 Dec 2013, 10:14

What Gracie's mum say makes a lot of sense. As H is on the spectrum it's quite likely there are traits with your other sons and fearing change in the situation he's got himself in makes sense.

Yes do let us know, it's good to talk x
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Jay128
Posts: 1047
Joined: 18 Dec 2012, 06:31
Location: Liverpool

Re: Once again Poppy delivers her Doodle magic!

Post by Jay128 » 02 Jan 2014, 13:32

All I can say is thank you. I have sat down in an empty house, apart from me and Poppy and of course Jess, in the garden and read your posts, they have made me cry. Thank you for your generosity of spirit to me, a complete stranger.
We spent new years eve with friends, friends who know of our situation but still love us and especially my boy. As we sang the customary song together when the clock hit twelve and the fireworks went bang I stood and looked at him and cried.
I wonder where we will be this time next year, I spoke to my husband yesterday and told him that I need to work to a goal when I can claim our space back, at the moment it feels like a battle grown, re hab center, anything but a home. I told him I needed my son and his pooch in a home of their own by the end of May, he looked at me in horror and asked if that's what I really wanted knowing his fears about him and how we will feel if he does something silly, emotional blackmail or what!
He was told that's what I wanted or just Jess had to go. Ideally I want to try and find someone local who will home her if we provide everything and allow him to have her back when he is settled. We had friends who where going to do this in Warrington but the hubby has had to have surgery so it's sadly no longer possible. They know and love Jess, warts an all! we have never kept anything from them. I didn't tell hubby that if son is not gone I may have to leave, just for a while.

My husband feels that it is the drugs that are keeping him on an even keel, he is severely depressed but won't deal with it, I have actually told my boy that he has to get help in the new year or leave as none of us can cope with the stress anymore.
Next week my husband is away all week, God help us. My only savior is that I will be back at work and youngest back at school so I am just praying my boy will be working lots of late shifts hence he won't get in until nearer 9pm.
I have suffered with depression in the past and my main way of dealing with this is to make sure I get poppy and I out in the daylight as much as possible, walking calms my nerves and stops me being sad.

As I am sat here I am despondent and sad, I want to crawl under a rock and never come out but I know that attitude is self indulgent and leads me down dangerous paths, so this afternoon hubby and I are off out, youngest is staying with number two son so he's in a safe and happy place, and I intend just trying to have a nice afternoon with the man that I love.
When we come home we will face what we face but hopefully an afternoon out, just the two of us, will build us up to get us through another 24 hours.

Thank you again for your kind words, I promise that I am usually a happy person, always smiling and loving life, not this horrible self indulgent mess. I love my sons and hubby and my students like they are my own, it's just, as many of you will know, you are only ever as happy as your unhappiest child.
When we went to bed last night I asked my hubby if we will ever be happy again, he smiled, something I have not seen for a while, and said oh yes! I know that this is a season that will pass, that we will recover, the question is will we still be a family of five?

So this afternoon I will strive for a little bit of normality :D
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thepadster
Posts: 638
Joined: 02 May 2012, 13:11
Location: Culworth, Northants

Re: Once again Poppy delivers her Doodle magic!

Post by thepadster » 02 Jan 2014, 17:49

I used to be a volunteer with Saneline, the mental health telephone helpline but it offers more these days I believe. There's a wealth of information on their website.

http://www.sane.org.uk/what_we_do/support/helpline

I am now a psychologist and I can say that Saneline volunteers are very well trained and have a database at their fingertips that can point you in the right direction for any support you may need.

Loving lick from the padster
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canteron
Posts: 185
Joined: 09 Feb 2012, 18:37

Re: Once again Poppy delivers her Doodle magic!

Post by canteron » 02 Jan 2014, 18:24

Jay128, I have nothing to add except that you sound like a really lovely caring person who is trying to work her way through a really stormy period in the most decent way possible, feel free to take that as a huge genuine compliment!

I do have friends who have had similar problems with their children and have managed to find a way through it, and ultimately both the child and the parents have ended up happier, so there is a good future out there somewhere, its just being brave enough to find it.

The padster seems to have some great advice, as your son won't seek the help, it seems as it you could do with a good dose of some. You are definitely not the first to face this situation and it would be good, perhaps, to share other peoples journeys through it and their solution.

Good luck and hopefully 2014 will be a turning point for the better for your whole family.
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Seventiesboy
Posts: 83
Joined: 20 Sep 2013, 15:18
Location: Cheshire

Re: Once again Poppy delivers her Doodle magic!

Post by Seventiesboy » 02 Jan 2014, 19:03

This is such a difficult set of problems to read about.

The bit of professional advice that I can offer you is please see your GP. Discuss with he/she the complexity of the problems that affect every member of your family and he/she will be able to offer advice or act as an access point for services.

When the problems are all around, it can be very difficult to see the light at the end. This is always worse when you lose any control of a situation.

If you can regain even a tiny bit of control then you may be able, as a family, to make progress.

I fully understand what you say about loving but not liking your son, it makes perfect sense, and I also fully understand your desire to stay at work for some form of levelling.

Please see your GP.

Evie sends a hug.
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Bid
Posts: 18722
Joined: 03 Nov 2006, 20:30
Location: South Dorset
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Re: Once again Poppy delivers her Doodle magic!

Post by Bid » 02 Jan 2014, 19:37

Oh bless you what a time you are having! I can offer very little practical help , but I just wanted to send you a virtual hug. Be sure to tell Poppy how you are feeling if you can tell no-one else - she will love you just the same and you will feel better for getting it out!
www.dogtrekker.co.uk
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Beauty without vanity, strength without insolence, courage without ferocity, and all the virtues of man without his vices - Byron

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